Sunday, October 17, 2010

Confessions of a Struggling Reader


There are many things we do as a class throughout the day but the most satisfying to me is skills block. This is where the students get their backbone in reading. We work on decoding, word attack, automaticity, encoding among many others. I guess this is so important to me because when I was growing up I struggled terribly as a reader. It took me forever to sound out words which slowed my fluency which also kept me from comprehending accurately. I would slouch in my seat praying that the teacher would not call on me to read aloud. My friends were so much further ahead of me in reading that I would never be in the same classes because I would have to go for remedial help. I felt stupid plain and simple. It wasn’t until my seventh grade year that my parents finally found a reading program at the State University of New York at Stony Brook that saved my educational life. They taught me how to hear myself when I read and to listen to the sounds of the words. I remember recording my voice on a tape recorder as I read through my Social Studies homework. I would play it over and over again.

Unfortunately reading was not my only shortfall when it came to book smarts. I also had trouble with math. No matter how hard I tried it just didn’t make sense. Over the years I learned to compensate and actually became very successful in business. I worked hard for what I accomplished but nothing ever came easy. As the years passed I eventually became a mom to an amazing little girl. I remember thinking to myself when she was born “Please don’t let her struggle when she gets to school.” At the beginning of her third grade year she began to struggle severely with reading and math. We had her tested and she was diagnosed with severe Dyslexia. I broke down in tears thinking that I failed my daughter. That due to hereditary reasons she was guilty by gene association. Not long after her diagnosis I sat down on the couch with her one night and read the book Thank you, Mr. Falker by Patricia Polacco. This book is about a little girl who was ridiculed and picked on and felt stupid because she struggled in reading until a special teacher came along that taught her that she really wasn’t stupid. He taught her that she simply learned differently than most people. As I read the book to my daughter I began to cry. My daughter said “mom, why are you crying?” I said “because this little girl was me growing up.” She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said “you do understand.”

Skills block is my favorite time of the day because I am doing everything I can to keep my students from feeling the way I did growing up. I am bound and determined to do all I can to make my class ravenous readers through and through. Not everyone learns the same way. What a boring world this would be if we did.

12 comments:

  1. I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face. Your post touched my heart. I think every parent has that moment where they blame themselves for some struggle that their child is having. And even though it's hard, I think it's important for us to show our kids we're not perfect and that we are not defined by our challenges, but instead by what we do about them. Thank you, Mrs. Ruark, for sharing you heart in your blog and letting us know you a little better. The students entrusted into your care are so blessed to have you as their teacher.

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  2. You know what I love about that book? That little girl was Patricia Polacco. It's so great that with ladies (and men) like you and her in children's lives, they can see how possible it is to overcome these struggles. And think how much hope it can give a parent, too, to realize that - realistically, these years in school may be very difficult, but in the end - it all evens out. With hard work and dedication, our babies will all be OK.

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  3. Bravo Tracy! This is exactly why you are an incredible mother and teacher. You've already "walked a mile" in the shoes of a struggling reader and came out at the end victorious. Every little reader you touch along the way will too.

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  4. "Wow!" - first thought after fighting back the tears.
    "Thank you!" - second thought a split second later. Thank you for sharing and being an poster child of a success story for struggling readers. I'm so glad you understand and took the time to write this so others can too.

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  5. What a great testimony to turning our weaknesses into strengths. Not only can you empathize with others who struggle, but you can share your own success story and strategies you used to overcome the obstacles in your life. So many of us feel isolated and hopeless when we carry our struggles alone. Thank you for sharing!

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  6. What a beautiful and heartfelt post Tracy. Your words allow us to see that we are not alone in so many of the struggles that we face, and have faced as mothers and as learners. Not only do you share these insights, but your words are so comforting as they demonstrate that with dedication and determination, one can overcome anything. Thank you for sharing! Your students are so fortunate to be with such a dynamic teacher who appreciate the diversity among learners.

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  7. Tracy,
    Thank you for opening up your heart and giving us a window inside the real you and your struggles as a reader! I, too, had goosebumps and had to fight back the tears at your realness as a human being sharing a difficult time in your life. What an inspiration you are for our readers to know that they can be a college graduate and a teacher one day, despite the fact that they might struggle in their academic life. I love real people who are genuine and transparent. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Love,
    Dorry Lopez-Sinclair

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  8. Wow. I love your transparency. Thank you for sharing.

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  9. Dear Tracy,
    I've had trouble responding to this post, because I get emotional. I, too, was sitting right there with you. As a struggling reader, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. The good readers around me kept getting better and I kept struggling. I was in a group with other struggling readers. But, I got to hear the red birds read during our daily red robin reading. I knew there was no way I would ever sound like they did when I read. To try and give me more practice, I had thirty minutes daily where I donned the dreaded head phones at the phonics listening station and did worksheet after worksheet after worksheet. I still never got it right.

    Today, looking back, I can say that I probably caught up sometime in high school. As a sight word reader that was the time in my life when I was exposed to words and began to recognize most of them. If you gave me a long unrecognizable word today, I would probably butcher the pronounciation until someone said it to me, and I would etch it into my memory. Funny how that works for me. I guess I learned to cope.

    I will also say that I never REALLY became a reader until after college. In all, I probably had only read a half dozen books before my love affair with books started. Now, as an avid reader, my book shelf is filled, my nightstand overflowing, and my mind dances with characters I've learned so many lessons from. Visiting the bookstore is one of my favorite adventures, and
    and my nightly routine consists of at least one hour of reading. And, in the summer, I devour piles and piles of books.

    I'm sure my elementary teachers wouldn't believe it. I clawed my way out of the black birds and now soar with the red robins!

    Love,
    Suzanne

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  10. Tracy,
    What a great testimony! Thank you so much for sharing. Your students are lucky to have you!

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  11. I also understand, because I lived the same stuggles. I think that is why we are where we are today!
    No one should feel dumb! I know it was not a good feeling!
    We get it!
    Great job!
    Terri

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  12. Tracy, this is THE most amazing blog post I've EVER read. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, thinking to myself, "I want to be like her when I grow up." You are an inspiration to teachers everywhere and I hope everyone reads this. I'm honored to work with you and learn from you on a daily basis!

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